I’m writing to you today to tell you some things that have been on my mind lately, after reading some particularly irritating romance novel…most of them in relation with how sexist and misogynist a lot of romances still are, in this 21st century, and how irritating I find that!
- No is no
I think this should be basic knowledge but apparently not.
If you make your female character say « no » (to dinner, a kiss, coming in, whatever), but the male character forces her to agree or does not care what she replied, IT IS NOT OK. No matter if deep down she is attracted to the guy, if she says no, no she doesn’t want to see him, insisting like mad and forcing himself in her life is not the solution. Respect of the no is. Please stop sending this false image to all your readers, that it’s ok to just do what you want or that it’s flattering for a woman to have a man so insistent and harassing. Because if a man is like that before dating, he won’t turn into Prince Charming no… he will just be more and more controlling and abusive.
2. Not all women are top models
Why describe the length of one’s legs, her silky her and perfect skin or all the way she looks like a top model? There are so many different kinds of girls out there, and all stunning. Bring us some diversity, please!
3. Why do they all have these huge penises?
Seriously? This is such a cliché I’m chocking on it (lol, pun intended). Regular penis works just as fine. And ok, let’s say it’s to answer to a fantasy that we poor women have of giant penises, I’m telling you that now it’s so common and expected it just makes me laugh and find it ridiculous. Anticlimatic no?
4. A woman is not an object
Not something to hunt, or to win. Not something to show off or be « congratulated on how pretty she is ». LOL. It is not because you want her that you can have her. It is not because you keep showing at her door and getting into her life and asking, again and again, will you go out with me that you are showing you are deeply in love. You are just showing that you are a narcissist harassing pain. And wow, congrats, she ends up saying yes, because she just wants you to stop being such a burden. Do you really think it’s ok? Please, dear writer, stop showing that in your book and making your reader think it’s normal. It is not. It’s not how to behave yourself toward another human being if you respect them. There is persistence, yes, but this is a nuisance instead. And no relationship should start on the woman just saying yes to get rid of the harassment.
5. You don’t have to marry them after 3 weeks?
Like, literally, I had romances where the guy proposed after 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS. I had pimples lasting longer than that! How realistic is that, please? How can you in 3 weeks ( or 3 months whatever), not want to talk to a guy, having him insist so much you end up saying yes to a date, forcing a kiss on you and then PAF you want to marry him? Nononono, pretty sure that’s not how it works. Even if romances are fiction if they are build to make you dream, how can you be transported by something so ridiculous?
I could tell you many more things dear romance writers but I’m gonna stop there or I’m gonna self combust with rage lol. That being said, I keep the faith that there are some good romances out there and sometimes I fall on them!
PS: for my readers, let me know your thoughts on all that, I’m curious!